Camping and well, you know... private business

I love camping. I am not a motorhome with satellite tv camper either... I like a tent. A fire. Perhaps a book, and maybe even some beer (and hoots)... I always pack warm clothes and extra blankets and generally, I am very prepared. For the most part, when me and my family go camping, we stick to the campgrounds... Provincial parks especially. For a paultry sum, you get an actual nicely wooded spot, water and toilet.

Yeah, the toilet. For the most part, they smell. They are full of flies, and at night, moths. No-one seems to be able to hit the evil oval shaped opening to hell, so the seat is always a mess. It is easy enough to stand there and pee (well for a guy), but sitting is always a cagey situation. I can only imagine how my wife feels...

Well, I have invented a new method to deal with this common stress involved with camping at campgrounds. It is the INTERNAL BOWEL SHUT OFF VALVE, and it is located just behind the Pineal Gland in your brain. I have found, that with careful practice and concentration... that I can go days, if not a week without having to use the outhouse at all. I mean, I can pee in the bush when no-one is looking, so this is great! Of course, if you choose to camp at a KOA campground or some other sardine can establishment, you will not have any trees to hide near, but then you are likely paying 10 or 20 bucks more, just for the cleaner toilet :D