Why Kirk Rules...
The age old question... Who was the BEST Captain of the Enterprise. Well, personally, there is no contest for me. I mean, Picard was okay, but he was a talker, a dreamer... The guy from Quantum Leap? Bah. I picture him in a dress. The geek from Ferris Buehler? Tough call there. He didn't even get his tractor beam and his ship was toast. So the only real challenger to Kirk's greatness is Picard...
And here is the big debate. 100 reasons why Kirk is better.
100. Kirk is a leader, not a follower
99. Kirk never really got into the 'kinky' jumpsuit look
98. Kirk has sex more than once a season.
97. One word: Hair.
96. Another word: :Pretty-good-looking-can't-see-the-weave-wig!
95. Kirk can beat up a klingon bare-handed.
94. Picard is a frenchman with an English accent.
93. Kirk would date Beverly Crusher - and damn the consquences!
92. Kirk never drinks tea. Ever.
91. Diplomacy for Kirk is a phaser and a smirk.
90. Kirk would personally throw Wesley off his bridge.
89. Two words, shoulder roll
88. Kirk doesn't wear dresses when admirals arrive for lunch.
87. Kirk once said "I've got a belley-ache--and it's a beauty."
86. Kirk would never sing to children during a crisis.
85. Kirk can almost drive a stick shift.
84. Kirk, almost single-handedly, re-populated the Earth's whale population.
83. Kirk says "Prime Directive? What Prime Directive?"
82. Kirk knows 20th century curses.
81. Kirk was NEVER infiltrated by the Borg and used against the Federation.
80. Kirk ate little colored cubes and still remained relatively healthy.
79. Kirk made do with obviously low performance technology.
78. Kirk never pretends to be a barber in order to gain a tactical advantage.
77. Kirk wasn't shy about taking his shirt off--even around those pesky Yeomans.
76. Kirk would never waste a holodeck on something as stupid as Dixon Hall.
75. Kirk never once stood up and had to adjust his shirt.
74. One word: Velour.
73. Kirk can beat a Vulcan at Chess
72. When Kirk was Picard's age, he had retired from Admiral and took to climbing rocks.
71. When Picard was 37, he was captain of the lowly freighter Stargazer. When Kirk was 37 he was captain of the flagship Enterprise.
70. Kirk liked a good belt of Liquor every now and then.
69. one word. Iman
68. Kirk looks good with a ripped shirt.
67. If Kirk ever met a Ferengi, he would rip off it's head and S**t down its neck.
66. Kirk says "Shoot first and wait for retaliation."
65. Kirk's first officer NEVER tells him to stay on the bridge.
64. Kirk never leaves a room to bawl someone out.
63. Kirk doesn't rely on the wisdom of a janitor to get him out of intergalactic scrapes.
62. Two words, Funky side-burns
61. Kirk never asks his bartender for advice.
60. Kirk never once said "Abandon ship! All hands abandon ship!"
59. Kirk is not politically correct.
58. Kirk never got "dumped" by a woman for an intergalactic busy body named after a letter of the alphabet.
57. Kirk never wore green tights and frolicked about in Sherwood forest.
56. If there ever was a klingon on Kirk's bridge, Kirk would likely be dead.
55. Ever heard of a bar shooter called "Make it so."? How about a "Beam me up Scotty. then? See the difference?
54. Miniskirts.
53. Kirk's girlfiends always look good in soft light.
52. Kirk never went anywhere without a whole bunch of guys in red shirts.
51. Kirk's first officer didn't play some wimpy instrument like the trombone.
50, Kirk had more dates than his first officer.
49, The extent of Kirk's knowledge of Klingon vocabulary can be roughly translated as "GO F**K YOURSELF!"
48. If it doesn't speak english..it's toast.
47. Kirk wasn't some prissy archaeology fan.
46. Picard's middle name isn't tough or as awe inspiring like Tiberius is.
45. If Kirk finds a strange spinning probe, he blows it up.
44. Picard never met Joan Collins.
43. Picard flunked his entrance exams to StarFleet
42. Picard hadn't fathered any children; Kirk--probably millions
41. Kirk has a cool phaser--not some pansy Braun mix-master
40. Two words: Line delivery.
39. Picard grew up in a quaint little French vineyard, squiching grapes with his toes, while Kirk slung bails of wheat and hay in Iowa to put himself through school.
38. Kirk emphasises oritations with pertinent hand gestures.
37. Kirk once made a cannon out of bamboo, sulphur, potassium nitrate, charcoal and then fired diamonds into the heart of his enemy. (Need we say more?)
36. Kirk is not put off by green skin.
35. Kirk knows how to deal with peace loving hippy goofs.
34. Kirk once fought a greek god. And won.
33. Kirk barely asks for suggestions. And when he does he asks Spock only.
32. Kirk doesn't let the doctor tell him what to do.
31. One word: Fisticuffs
30. Kirk's name is hated throughout the universe.
29. Kirk appreciates Shakespeare, but he doesn't let it show.
28. You can never lock up Kirk for very long.
27. Kirk's eulogies can actually make you cry.
26. Kirk plays God with lesser cultures, then exploits them for resources.
25. Kirk's son would never drop out to become a musician.
24. Kirk can climb a Jeffries tube and fix anything.
23. Kirk never hired an engineer with punk glasses.
22. The Klingon's didn't have a word for Surrender -- until they met Kirk.
21. Kirk's bridge is not beige.
20. Two words: Crane shot
19. Picard likes wimpy violin music -- and coerces Data into playing it.
18. Picard allows cats on board, while Kirk beams away even really cute things, like tribbles.
17. Kirk is a cultural icon -- Picard is just some guy who;s really nice.
16. Kirk specifically ordered a swivel LA-Z-BOY for the bridge.
15. Kirk would never touch SYNTHAHOL
14. Kirk looks distinguished in reading glasses --and nobody dares calls him 'four eyes'.
13. Kirk can infiltrate Gangsters, Nazis, and even the Pentagon -- easily.
12. Picard likes painting nudes -- for art's sake.
11. When Kirk doesn't trust Romulans he fires on them. When Picard doesn't truat Romulans, he gets fired at.(And the final 10 now!)
10. Kirk never once, ever, wore a weiner wrapping Speedo bannana hammock on shore leave.
9. Kirk never gets his command codes locked out by some pimply acting ensign.
8. Kirk doesn't test the engines, he just fires them up.
7. When Kirk says BOLDLY GO, he MEANS it.
6. Three words: Flying leg kick.
5. Picard's crew would never think of him as a sexual object.
4. Kirk travelled through THE GREAT BARRIER, met God, and wasn't even impressed.
3. Kirk's bedroom is a passion pit with electric sheets.
2. Kirk would never let his Chief of Security wear a pony tail.
1. One word: Balls.
In case there is still any doubt at all, pictures are worth millions of words:
And here is the big debate. 100 reasons why Kirk is better.
100. Kirk is a leader, not a follower
99. Kirk never really got into the 'kinky' jumpsuit look
98. Kirk has sex more than once a season.
97. One word: Hair.
96. Another word: :Pretty-good-looking-can't-see-the-weave-wig!
95. Kirk can beat up a klingon bare-handed.
94. Picard is a frenchman with an English accent.
93. Kirk would date Beverly Crusher - and damn the consquences!
92. Kirk never drinks tea. Ever.
91. Diplomacy for Kirk is a phaser and a smirk.
90. Kirk would personally throw Wesley off his bridge.
89. Two words, shoulder roll
88. Kirk doesn't wear dresses when admirals arrive for lunch.
87. Kirk once said "I've got a belley-ache--and it's a beauty."
86. Kirk would never sing to children during a crisis.
85. Kirk can almost drive a stick shift.
84. Kirk, almost single-handedly, re-populated the Earth's whale population.
83. Kirk says "Prime Directive? What Prime Directive?"
82. Kirk knows 20th century curses.
81. Kirk was NEVER infiltrated by the Borg and used against the Federation.
80. Kirk ate little colored cubes and still remained relatively healthy.
79. Kirk made do with obviously low performance technology.
78. Kirk never pretends to be a barber in order to gain a tactical advantage.
77. Kirk wasn't shy about taking his shirt off--even around those pesky Yeomans.
76. Kirk would never waste a holodeck on something as stupid as Dixon Hall.
75. Kirk never once stood up and had to adjust his shirt.
74. One word: Velour.
73. Kirk can beat a Vulcan at Chess
72. When Kirk was Picard's age, he had retired from Admiral and took to climbing rocks.
71. When Picard was 37, he was captain of the lowly freighter Stargazer. When Kirk was 37 he was captain of the flagship Enterprise.
70. Kirk liked a good belt of Liquor every now and then.
69. one word. Iman
68. Kirk looks good with a ripped shirt.
67. If Kirk ever met a Ferengi, he would rip off it's head and S**t down its neck.
66. Kirk says "Shoot first and wait for retaliation."
65. Kirk's first officer NEVER tells him to stay on the bridge.
64. Kirk never leaves a room to bawl someone out.
63. Kirk doesn't rely on the wisdom of a janitor to get him out of intergalactic scrapes.
62. Two words, Funky side-burns
61. Kirk never asks his bartender for advice.
60. Kirk never once said "Abandon ship! All hands abandon ship!"
59. Kirk is not politically correct.
58. Kirk never got "dumped" by a woman for an intergalactic busy body named after a letter of the alphabet.
57. Kirk never wore green tights and frolicked about in Sherwood forest.
56. If there ever was a klingon on Kirk's bridge, Kirk would likely be dead.
55. Ever heard of a bar shooter called "Make it so."? How about a "Beam me up Scotty. then? See the difference?
54. Miniskirts.
53. Kirk's girlfiends always look good in soft light.
52. Kirk never went anywhere without a whole bunch of guys in red shirts.
51. Kirk's first officer didn't play some wimpy instrument like the trombone.
50, Kirk had more dates than his first officer.
49, The extent of Kirk's knowledge of Klingon vocabulary can be roughly translated as "GO F**K YOURSELF!"
48. If it doesn't speak english..it's toast.
47. Kirk wasn't some prissy archaeology fan.
46. Picard's middle name isn't tough or as awe inspiring like Tiberius is.
45. If Kirk finds a strange spinning probe, he blows it up.
44. Picard never met Joan Collins.
43. Picard flunked his entrance exams to StarFleet
42. Picard hadn't fathered any children; Kirk--probably millions
41. Kirk has a cool phaser--not some pansy Braun mix-master
40. Two words: Line delivery.
39. Picard grew up in a quaint little French vineyard, squiching grapes with his toes, while Kirk slung bails of wheat and hay in Iowa to put himself through school.
38. Kirk emphasises oritations with pertinent hand gestures.
37. Kirk once made a cannon out of bamboo, sulphur, potassium nitrate, charcoal and then fired diamonds into the heart of his enemy. (Need we say more?)
36. Kirk is not put off by green skin.
35. Kirk knows how to deal with peace loving hippy goofs.
34. Kirk once fought a greek god. And won.
33. Kirk barely asks for suggestions. And when he does he asks Spock only.
32. Kirk doesn't let the doctor tell him what to do.
31. One word: Fisticuffs
30. Kirk's name is hated throughout the universe.
29. Kirk appreciates Shakespeare, but he doesn't let it show.
28. You can never lock up Kirk for very long.
27. Kirk's eulogies can actually make you cry.
26. Kirk plays God with lesser cultures, then exploits them for resources.
25. Kirk's son would never drop out to become a musician.
24. Kirk can climb a Jeffries tube and fix anything.
23. Kirk never hired an engineer with punk glasses.
22. The Klingon's didn't have a word for Surrender -- until they met Kirk.
21. Kirk's bridge is not beige.
20. Two words: Crane shot
19. Picard likes wimpy violin music -- and coerces Data into playing it.
18. Picard allows cats on board, while Kirk beams away even really cute things, like tribbles.
17. Kirk is a cultural icon -- Picard is just some guy who;s really nice.
16. Kirk specifically ordered a swivel LA-Z-BOY for the bridge.
15. Kirk would never touch SYNTHAHOL
14. Kirk looks distinguished in reading glasses --and nobody dares calls him 'four eyes'.
13. Kirk can infiltrate Gangsters, Nazis, and even the Pentagon -- easily.
12. Picard likes painting nudes -- for art's sake.
11. When Kirk doesn't trust Romulans he fires on them. When Picard doesn't truat Romulans, he gets fired at.(And the final 10 now!)
10. Kirk never once, ever, wore a weiner wrapping Speedo bannana hammock on shore leave.
9. Kirk never gets his command codes locked out by some pimply acting ensign.
8. Kirk doesn't test the engines, he just fires them up.
7. When Kirk says BOLDLY GO, he MEANS it.
6. Three words: Flying leg kick.
5. Picard's crew would never think of him as a sexual object.
4. Kirk travelled through THE GREAT BARRIER, met God, and wasn't even impressed.
3. Kirk's bedroom is a passion pit with electric sheets.
2. Kirk would never let his Chief of Security wear a pony tail.
1. One word: Balls.
In case there is still any doubt at all, pictures are worth millions of words:
Kirk ready to kick arse.
Picard playing a little flute.Pretty much sums it up I would say...
*** UPDATED ***
I have found an awesome site that has OVER 1000 Reasons why Kirk is better than Picard!!! Go check it out now!
posted by Zaphod at 12:29 AM
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