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    Tuesday, March 06, 2007


    Stardate 7244.16

    I honestly don't know what to say about this movie except that it sucked in nearly every way imagineable. This review may contain spoilers, but if you've seen Star Wars I'm not spoiling anything.

    Luke receives his father's light sabre from Obi-Wan Kenobi

    Luke receives his father's light sabre from Obi-Wan Kenobi

    On the outside, it is a show with great special effects (that we have all seen elsewhere before) cardboard acting, poor lines and an almost infantile plot and screenplay. There is never any clear purpose or suspense to the movie, or massive imminent doom for the good people of the world, but rather a simple quest, where the boy finds a dragon egg stolen from the evil king who wants it back. Of course, he is destined to be the greatest dragon rider ever and will be a valuable tool for the rebel scum hiding out from the evil king's men. That's it. He will grow to save them all... well except he doesn't actually have to grow at all.

    On the inside, it is a blatant rip-off of Star Wars. At numerous times, I found myself blurting out quotes from the classic Sci-Fi saga, such as when young Luke, I mean Eragon, returns to his Uncle's farm (he lives with his uncle and doesn't know what happened to his parents) to find him killed by minions of the evil emperor, and a solid "Uncle Owen..." resounded through the room. Brom, played by Jeremy Irons, is none other than Obi-Wan himself... a mentor for our hero and a retired dragon rider from old. He likely has the most solid performance out of all the characters, except maybe the CGI dragon with feathers. At one point, Luke, I mean Eragon, defies both his mentor and dragon and decides to take off to save a girl from his dreams from imminent death (getting into and out of the Death Star was an amazing feat and actually quite difficult). Very quickly, this 17 year old farm boy penetrates the evil emperor's high security prison complex, and with little effort rescues the girl. Of course, there is tension at this point, as Obi-Wan, I mean Brom, jumps in to save the lad and gets killed by Darth Vader. Do you feel for the loss of this great ancient hero? Not at all, since he is a carboard character with silly lines for the most part.

    The boy himself begins the movie as a farm boy, trained to beat on his brother with a stick. In no time flat, he learns he is a dragon rider, and that he has great magical powers (THE FORCE) which he masters nearly instantly. I wonder how long it took the evil king dude or his high wizard to learn their skills? Likely much more than a few passing hours or days. Within hours of these revelations however, young Luke, I mean Eragon, is taking on the King's very own second in command.

    There are many other instances of either misplaced or non-existent character development, or simply ridiculous bits of writing...

    His older brother leaves early in the movie, in a tear-jerking farewell scene, only to be forgotten as quickly as the original plot of the story. What happened to him? Nobody knows, or cares for that matter.
    The dragon grows from a mere hatchling into a full sized dragon in about 8 hours, and throughout the entire movie, nobody seems to ever see the dragon flying around, even when fully grown!
    The dragon herself could barely fly with 3 people on her back, but towards the end of the show, she gets to wear some really nice plate armor to protect her... Hmmm. Dragon sized plate armor, or additional peoples... you decide which would weigh more.
    Within a few hours or days ( I honestly don't know whow much time passes during this story as it is presented), young Luke, I mean Eragon, begins telling the seasoned veteran dragon rider what it means to be a dragon rider, and is suddenly the authority on the matter in a ridiculous twist of knowledge. He must have telepathically learned it all from his dragon I guess.
    The girl he saves nearly effortlessly from the high security prison has been poisoned, and is on death's bed when our heroes finally arrive at the Rebels secret base on Dantooine, but no fear! In yet another twist that removes any threat or suspense, the gayly clad tribal rebel leader says that his healers will "make her well" and in an hour, she is putting on battle armor and wading through ugruks or orcs, or whatever you want them to be.

    I could go on and on about this movie and how terrible both the acting and the story are, but why bother. I think I have done enough. To quote many others, the movie was based on a book written by a teenager, and the screenplay was butchered by a 12 year old. George Lucas should indeed be suing them for plagiarism and I wish I hadn't have wasted 100 minutes of my life. For a movie touted as a peer to "The Lord of The Rings" and "Harry Potter", this falls amazingly short. The book may be better, but I will never know...

    I am trying to think of anything at all I enjoyed about the show, and all I can keep thinking about is how I would rather watch the original Star Wars. Han Solo was way cool.

    3.5 out of 10

    All opinions shared on this site are strictly my own. Some people may disagree and that is fine, but rude comments or overzealous debate will be curtailed. I enjoy civil discourse, and encourage independent thought. I oppose George W. Bush and his Wars based on lies.

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