Read This First
All songs written and arranged by Zaphod. Recorded using Guitar Pro and Cool Edit Pro software.
Peace logo created by Zaphod. Use as you wish!
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
In a bold move, Bob Gainey traded Cristobal Huet to Washington yesterday for, get this, a 2nd round pick in the 2009 draft... I can only go on to think that he wanted the draft pick to negotiate a deal for Hossa, which never transpired. Am I comfortable going into the stretch for the top of the conference and the playoffs with two rookie goalies? Not really... But then historically, Dryden and Roy both won the cup their rookie years... Only time will tell if the Price is right.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Habs Watch - Record Setting Night
The mighty Habs set a franchise record last night... After being down 5-0 in the 2nd period, they roared back with an incredible comeback, scorign 5 goals to tie the game for the first time ever... Led by Ryder and Kovalev, they forced OT and a shootout, which they eventually won thanks to a great move by Saku Koivu, putting them in a points tie with Ottawa for the conference lead.
Friday, February 15, 2008
It won't be long until Flightsuit McChimpy is out of his cushy office job. In fact, it is time he got his resume out there for the future... I have happened upon a copy of his resume and have included it in this posting...
This person needs a job. This individual seeks an executive position.
He will be available in January 2009, and is willing to relocate.
(Please don't skip the last section!)
GEORGE W. BUSH
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20520
EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:
I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has been "lost" and is not available.
I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam.
I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a cheerleader.
PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.
I began my career in the oil business in Midland Texas in 1975. I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas. The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.
I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money.
With the help of my father and our friends in the oil industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected governor of Texas.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS:
I changed Texas pollution laws to favour power and oil companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the Union. During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America.
I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money.
I set the record for the most executions by any governor in American history.
With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida, and my father's appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President of the United States, after losing by over 500,000 votes.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:
I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record.
I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one billion dollars per week.
I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.
I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history.
I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.
I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.
I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock market. In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues.
I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history. My "poorest millionaire," Condoleezza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.
I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S. President.
I am the all- time U.S and world record -holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations.
My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. history, Enron.
My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election decision.
I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation or prosecution. More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history. I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.
I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.
I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.
I appointed more convicted criminals to my administration than any President in U.S. history.
I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the United States Government.
I've broken more international treaties than any President in U.S. history.
I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.
I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.
I refused to allow inspector's access to U.S. "prisoners of war" detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.
I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 US election).
I set the record for fewest numbers of press conferences of any President since the advent of television.
I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year period. After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.
I garnered the most sympathy ever for the U.S. after the World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history.
I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people), shattering the record for protests against any person in the history of mankind.
I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked, pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S. Citizens and the world community.
I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families in wartime.
In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies on our British friends.
I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.
I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster," a WMD.
I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden to justice.
RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father's library, sealed and unavailable for public view.
All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review. I specified that my sealed documents will not be available for 50 years.
And just out of interest...
"Of course the people don't want war. But after all, it's the leaders of the country who determine the policy, and it's always a simple matter to drag the people along whether it's a democracy, a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship. Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism, and exposing the country to greater danger."
-- Herman Goering at the Nuremberg trials
Monday, February 11, 2008
Numerous years ago, I created a fun game for winter driving... This morning, I damn near slid through a busy intersection on my way to work, after getting 9.5 feet of snow last night. In this light, I figured it was time to repost the old "Carling" game...
Well since I have somewhat invented the new winter sport, Carling, for us snowed in folks up here in Canada... I figure I better set up a scoring system so we actually know who wins every day! This is actually quite difficult as there are so many factors involved it isn't even funny. I mean, you could be driving on virgin ice and snow, and the co-efficient of friction would be much different than a road that had been sanded slightly, or perhaps so icy as to not see it at all (black ice)...
Let's begin with the basics.
A good slide where you are unable to slow and stop is worth lots of points. +1 right off the top.
A sideways slide, where the vehicle actually changes it's trajectory is a bonus as you have obviously lost some control over the vehicle (apart from the ability to stop). +2 points for that.
Distance is important. Say every 20 feet you slide, you gain +1 point. This is really where the co-efficient of friction from the different surfaces comes into play. Packed snow, black ice, sanded fresh snow... it all affects this score.
If you happen to be lucky enough to slide into or through a controlled intersection or a stop condition... +5 points!!!! Yeah, this is a gold mine! Wait and watch the ensuing carnage as you are sliding sideways through a huge intersection, mentally calculating your score...
This is another great way to gain points. For every inanimate object EXCEPT another vehicle, you collide with, take a +1 point bonus. This means a white picket fence, a mailbox, a roadsign, a concrete no-post barrier, anything like that. A fire hydrant is a special circumstance since it spews water out and this reacts with frigid temperatures nicely to create a new playing surface for the next teams... so +5.
If you are lucky enough to hit another vehicle (CHA-CHING), you gain an instant +5 point bonus (not to mention a healthy hike in your insurance policy)! This is usually a rear-end style collision, so there may be different factors involved there.
If you hit a vehicle sideways, gain a +7 bonus.
If you hit a vehicle HEAD-ON, +10! It doesn't get much better than this, unless we start counting animate objects....
Arrrrr if you are most fortunate enough to slide into a train crossing and hit a train, gain +20 points!
If you hit an animal that will do little to your vehicle but end the life of said creature, gain +2 points.
If you hit an animal that is much larger, like a deer, elk, cow or BEAR, this will likely do considerable damage to your vehicle, so feel free to gain +5 points!!!
Remember, all strikes of animals and inanimate objects MUST be the result of a slide on icy road conditions. If you are drunk in the summer and you slam into a donkey that is eating grass growing on the shoulder of the road, it counts for nothing! You get a -100 for being a fool and drinking and driving!!!
I will give one example of a classic winter Carling match.
You are driving to work in the morning. It is dark, and the snow was falling all night. It is very cold and the snow has been driven on by a few folks now. Intersections are likely the Face-Off Circle of Doom this morning.
You approach the Face-Off Circle of Doom, noting your opponents on two of the three sides... Cruising at a safe 50 km/h, you approach and when you are about 60 feet from the lights, they turn yellow. OH NO!
Being groggy from staying up so late surfing the weeb and eating cheese, pickles and crackers all night, you hit the brakes, forgetting that it is your minivan that has ABS (anti-lock brakes) and not your 1984 Oldsmobile Tank. Begin slide.... You are about to slide 60 feet to the intersection alone, so lets say the total is 100 feet when all is said and done. (+5) You also begin to slide sideways, which is a real treat and always makes you spill your Tim Horton's coffee on yourself (+1 cause I am being nice) so gain +2 for the sideways slide and also another +5 for sliding through a red light and a controlled intersection! Total Slide Points 13!
Now what could possibly happen while you are sliding through the intersection? Well one of the opponents decided to go as soon as the light changed... He didn't see you sliding into the intersection sideways cause he was lighting his smoke and only saw the light change out of the corner of his eye. BAM! You hit him right in the side, (possibly causing tons of injury to him, but that is not scored in this game) so you gain +7 points. Of course, after the collision, your car is soemwhat out of control, so you proceed to hit the light pole on the corner, a small tourist information sign, and a fire hydrant (oooooh that's a mess) so for all that, +7 points. To top it off, your hub cap goes carreering off when you hit the hydrant, and strikes a homeless cat shivering in a store doorway, killing it instantly (+2). Total Collision Points 16!
So your grand total for that game is 29 whopping points! Pretty darn good actually!
*Humans are generally nice, so I will leave them out. You can create your own point scoring scale perhaps, and have a lot fo fun this winter tallying up your scores!!!*
Friday, February 08, 2008
ELECTION! Coming soon, to a voting station near you!
Well the big buzz of late has been confidence motions and elections. Everything the Tories are doing these days seems to be based on confidence motions... Whether it's their latest crime bill, or more recently, an extension to our war in Afghanistan. I suspect this will be a trigger for election, though if somehow it goes through, the budget should be the final straw. After all, the economy seems to be following a downward trend, and the last thing the Tories want is to wait so long that the economy becomes a nail in their coffin...
But I don't think things are so rosy for H-Dawg and his band of merry men. After all, the tories have done little to actually benefit the average Canadian in my opinion... The Child Care "Plan" they put forth ended up costing the average person even more for child care now, since funding cuts to Daycare facilities ended up causing a hike in fees, that the $100 a month "beer and popcorn" money simply can't cover... and what happened to one of the major 5 priorities they had last election? No longer can we find a Health Care Wait Times Guarantee priority, as it had been replaced with something along the lines of "strengthening Canada's image abroad" or some such nonsense. He has turned his back completely on the environment, making Canada the laughing stock of most of the planet and his touted "Transparency in government" has become just the opposite, with numerous occurrences of muzzled MPs, members of the press, and closed door sessions. Firing people for doing their jobs? Invite only press galleries? How transparent is that?
In this light, and as the newly elected Vice President of the Federal Wetaskiwin Liberal Association, I must point out that there is (and always has been) an alternative to voting Conservative in Alberta. The new Liberal candidate in our riding is Rita Dillon, who has been an Albertan and Stéphane Dion supporter for many years now. Rita has very high standards and is willing to go that extra mile for Albertans and Canadians alike. I will definately do what I can to help her campaign, and hopefully make a breakthrough in Alberta for the Federal Liberal Party of Canada.
Let's end our combat operations in Afghanistan, and move Canada back towards the level of respect they held environmentally. Let's take our country from the Conservatives, and give it back to the people it belongs to. Canadians!
All opinions shared on this site are strictly my own. Some people may disagree and that is fine, but rude comments or overzealous debate will be curtailed. I enjoy civil discourse, and encourage independent thought. I oppose George W. Bush and his Wars based on lies.
Site design created by Zaphod. All written work and code is the intellectual property of Glyn Evans.