The Ultimate Answer to Life, the Universe, and, Well, Everything

Stardate 4518.5

For millenia, the ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything has plagued thinkers and non-thinkers alike. For thinkers, it is usually something along the lines of "what caused the Big Bang?", "why did this God fellow decide he wanted a universe sized hamster pen?" or perhaps "if man didn't evolve and emerge from the ocean, would we have water proof money?" For non-thinkers, it usually starts out with "I'm hungry... why did God make squirrels so tasty?" or even "I like your digital watch much more than mine...".

We have recently learned that the answer is, in fact, 42.

Of course, this doesn't wash with most of the thinkers and non-thinkers in the world, partly because the thinkers still don't get the Question, and the non-thinkers don't have that many digits with which to count. They prefer a much more manageable number, like 2. After all, Adam and Eve constitute a pair, which is 2 in most parts of the universe.

At any rate, everything was cruising along very nicely... what with several viewpoints to consider.

• God created us all because he loves us and needs us to worship him... Well that is kind of a paradox. At what point did God suddenly decide he needed worshippers? He refuses to prove his existence and relies solely on Faith. This is a good theory, but leaves many religious people up in arms, mainly because other religious people can't agree on what to call God anyhow. Then there is the entire issue of mankind descending quite literally from two people. Actually, one person and a rib.
• Man evolved from microbes into fish and lizards, and birds, and monkeys, and men... Finally, they possess the keen knowledge to know how to operate digital watches. This makes a lot of sense really, but leaves the question about what could possibly have started it all, and how man has become so much "more" than any other life form on earth.
• The final solution is unique in it's cleverness. The Flying Spaghetti Monster has created everything using his noodly appendage. This may seem strange to some, but when you really think about it, it makes terrible sense. Just last night, the FSM blessed my family by giving part of his essence to us to sustain our mortal shells. This proves that he possesses the power to regenerate his noodly appendage, surely a divine power...

So now what do people really think? As they read this, pausing to gaze at the small, blinking symbols on their new digital watches to see how much time they have already wasted, many wonder what the common theme of thought is. The results from my poll are in and I think it is as scientifically accurate as any Harvard study.

You can see that the biggest group is definately the Evolution camp. To think that man was once a sinle-celled microbe is almost preposterous, but then those microbes are the buildign blocks of life... so why not?

The Flying Spaghetti Monster is a close second. This also makes sense, as he is very generous with his essence, sustaining Italians and all-you-can-eat pasta diners for millenia.

Intelligent Design could really include the Adam and Eve theory, though I personally strike that part of the theory as being so far-fetched and illogical as not important at all. I can understand it from a figurative point of view, but to take it literally... well it is time to get out more in my opinion...

A few people simply have no idea, or perhaps believe it is a combination of many things. I fall into this camp myself. I believe in evolution, but also that something, some, thing, had to spark it all off to begin with.

When we really get down to the nitty gritty, on a teenie weenie, sub-atomic level, all matter is the same. The absolute basic building blocks of everything, as we know them, are the same in all things. Whether it is a tree, rock, cat, digital watch or a multi-legged creature from Antares IV, the basic sub-atomic particles are identical.

"We are starstuff. We are the universe, made manifest, trying to figure itself out." - Delenn, Babylon 5

So what makes those particles form differently and create living, breathing, thinking humans, as opposed to digital watches and rocks? Some particles form in just the right situations to create life. Some do not. The fact that a person could be converted into the same amount of energy as a rock of equal mass says that essentially, wea re built of the same materials. But what of the conciousness? The soul, if you will? Again, some thing, has to have a hand in it all. So therefore, I deduce that GOD, or the FSM created the basis of the universe, and it has evolved, and continues to evolve ever since.

Perhaps mankind is never meant to understand this. Perhaps, if indeed there is a GOD (or FSM bless his noodly appendage), the answer can be found after we have left our shell of sub-atomic particles and digital watches behind, and evolve to the next level of being...